Just after we were married, Jessie and I were driving around one Saturday, not really sure what to do or where to go. Neither of us was in a super mood, and we just felt off. Somehow we decided on the word “dusty”. Gray, bored, tired, restless, irritable…. We realized that not exercising that day probably caused the dust to accumulate.

Today was a dusty day for me, so I decided to exercise for a bit. It was good! Back when I had to exercise almost every day as part of my job (army) I became so attuned to how my body felt when I exercised or didn’t. I’ve lost that over these years of mommyhood. I recognize that I don’t feel good most of the time, but I don’t really know what it feels like to feel good. It’s something I want to recapture. I have a dim memory of strong muscles and confidence. I want to get back there. I’m desperate enough with my health and body to not even care if I actually lose weight–I just want to feel good! (Please don’t take that as a sad comment. Half of the reason I’m where I am is that I’ve worried about the numbers so much.)

Anyway, I’m really happy that I exercised today! I’m still feeling good and motivated, so I think I’m going to do my “dessert exercise” now. Weights! I’m looking forward to feeling my muscles tomorrow.