I decided to snow-blow the driveway last week as a means of exercise, a gift to my hard-working husband, and to challenge myself. It didn’t go well. It took me a half hour to figure out how to start the big thing, so I felt stupid, and then for another hour I tried to clear our giant hill of a driveway of the four or so inches of snow that was there. I managed to get some of it done… sort of… I scraped a couple inches off the top of the snow, slipping around in my silly boots, shooting snow the wrong direction. I’m glad nobody had a camera on me–I imagine that it was pretty comical. So when I finished up, I felt terrible about it! I felt like it was an hour and a half just wasted. My dear Jessie thanked me that night (what a great guy!) and I apologized for what a poor job I did. He was very sweet and helped me see it differently. It wasn’t wasted time–there were less inches to remove now, it was great exercise for me (I could feel my muscles slightly achy the next morning), and I actually did manage to clear the steps and walkway with the shovel so it didn’t get icy. Yea me! 
After changing my opinion of it, I wanted to find other small accomplishments. I tend to see all or nothing, and with this process of health-seeking it’s hard to see improvements when the pounds aren’t falling off. But here are some things that I’ve done well on lately:
-I love salad now! I eat it several times a week, and vegetables don’t rot in my fridge anymore.
-I walked right past a cookie that was sitting on the counter screaming at me. I usually would have just had it because it was there, but I didn’t want it.
-I’ve been seriously enjoying the foods I eat.
-I don’t settle for things I don’t love nearly as often.
-I just picked up some weights and lifted the other day. I danced (kind of 
) to some music on a movie I was watching.
-I’m observing myself and journaling about this process.
-I’m being kinder and more respectful to myself.
These are all so little, but they’re not nothing. I have to remind myself of that. I’m happy that I’m making changes, small as they may be.
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January 30, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Shirley
I was just thinking that I feel the same way when I try to do something and I don’t do very well. I feel like a failure, but actually something was accomplished. I got some experience. I’ve kept myself from experiencing a lot of things because of fear and now that I’m determined to do things that are being asked of me, I’m not really very pleased with my performance but have realized that there’s no other way to get better but to actually be doing something–instead of trying to just read up on things and get all motivated and then put off doing anything.
I’m glad for your example on the veggies. It’s funny how fruit almost never rots in my fridge but yes, vegetables are another story! And the exercise–yeh, that was value from the snowblowing, as well as whatever else you do. I am almost persuaded to put exercise on a higher priority for myself because of a news story last night. I don’t know how they determined that cells stayed younger or acted younger but they said they have just found out that exercise keeps our cells much younger. I was impressed. Whatever else exercise does for us is great but that’s a big one to me.
I like that you’re observing yourself and journaling about this process and that you put it into those words. That is what I really appreciate about blogging and am glad for your example, Em! I have such a hard time with the journal thing. It did occur to me today when I thought of writing about the dentist appt. that even if it wasn’t much of a post, it would be easier than writing in my journal and I wouldn’t need to think of it really as being for anyone else. I don’t enjoy writing things out by hand any more. I’ve gotten spoiled! Blogging is a great way to keep a journal!
February 3, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Emily
Thanks, Mom, for all the encouragement and all your nice comments.
Here’s a funny update: Jessie used the snowblower yesterday and told me that it wasn’t working properly. A bolt was loose, so the machine wasn’t picking up all the snow it could.
That explains some of my troubles.
February 7, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Ann Romero
Emily, thanks for the link to your blog. I always love to hear of the progress of clients. …and it is just that, progress. I always remind people that change is a process. It doesn’t just happen. But change does happen by one small decision after another small decision on a continued basis. So even the “small” things you mentioned really do make a difference. Keep up the good work!
I can’t promise how often, but I’ll try to check in with you from time to time and see how your doing.
February 8, 2008 at 12:12 am
snackety
Thanks Ann! I’m glad you visited. Yes, I feel optimistic about this process. There have been times in the last several years when I’ve thought that I’d stay this way forever, because I wasn’t able to make drastic changes. Now that I have some of these little things under my belt (so to speak
) I feel that I can continue, even if it takes me years.
Another snowblower update: I had to go out and clear a path for a class I was holding, so I fired up the big thing. This time, with it working properly, and me remembering how to operate it, I spent 45 minutes and was way more successful. Funny.
March 5, 2008 at 11:47 am
productqueen27
I used to weigh 200 lbs, around a size 16… it took a long time to take the weight off for good. Now I am a size 2-4 and I would be a liar if I said I didn’t still have binges during weak moments when I just feel like eating.
March 5, 2008 at 5:26 pm
snackety
Thanks, productqueen27! I’d love to hear how you did take the weight off. It’s good to have others who have been in the same boat as me. I know I’m always going to love food, so starving myself is truly not going to work. Thanks for commenting!