The last few weeks have been weird.  I was doing really well, making little improvements, and then lately it’s all just fallen apart!  I know things have been stressful for our family, and I’m sure that I’m trying to cope with that, but seeing how I kind of go nuts with food is disappointing.  I feel as if I’m using food to distance myself from my life, whether it be crying kids, pressure to get things done, loneliness or whatever.  It’s been strange to see this happen.  I distinctly remember stressful times in my adult life that I’ve binged a lot–mostly when Jessie was gone for months at a time in the army, or when I’d start to slump into depression.  But I’ve been doing it lately, and I can’t really put my finger on what’s up.  I think the long winter has been tough, I’ve felt pressure lately in a lot of areas, and Jessie’s been SO busy (and as a full-time mommy, hubby’s long hours equal long hours for me, too).  But I still feel like that doesn’t really justify all of this.  In the last few days I don’t even know how many times I’ve just been sick because I’ve eaten so much.  Why?!!  And when I do overeat, I feel like my rational self is just hovering out of reach, like I can almost watch myself turn into this “Cookie Monster”, if you will. :)   I need to figure this out more: identify what is going on in my head that’s making me feel panicky enough to overeat.  Sorry this isn’t very inspirational, but I needed to write.  Writing helps me see what’s happening.  If I keep all of this in my head, I’ll likely let it swirl into a guilt soup.  Don’t need that!  I want this to be an observational avenue, rather than a hurtful one.

Any ideas, anyone?

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